Do you like rainy days?
March seems to be rainy months in Singapore.
On 20190328 at 4 pm, 在下着 大雨.
如果 整天 在 家，我不在意。但是 要 接 小孩，怕 孩子 淋到雨水。Hopefully, the rain will stop by 6.30 pm.
Little Princess is napping. Hope that the thunder didn’t wake her up and scare her.
Disappointingly, few minutes into reading my work materials, I heard her crying sound.
She is getting better in answering why she was crying. She told me that she’s scared of the thunder.
I caressed her
We hugged for very long…
今天 (20190327), 我 还 了13 图书馆书， 借了 3 本 旅游书.
I wondered what I could feed Little Princess. She was uninterested in the pizza and chicken soup of Pizza Hut, but only the cold Milo (I asked the kind and friendly staff not to add ice). At home, she finished a kiwi that I cut into bite sized.
***
Since 20190316, I have been suffering from insomnia. I thought that by doing a lot of house chores on 20190323, I would be so tired that I could fall asleep easily and wake up refreshed for bringing Little Prince to a storytelling session. Alas, I am still awake as of 20190324 2am!
After returning from Taiwan, following quarrels with Little Prince’s father, he treated me even crueler than ever. In his words, we are just a business partner, he has no relationship with me. He told me not to talk to him, but to communicate only via Whats App.
I wondered why I quit my highest paying job and ended up to spend most time at home. Yes, I miss Little Princess, who unfortunately looks more like her father.
After the departure of Papa, I feel that nobody loves me. Yes, Mama loves me but she has to divide her energy and time for many people.
I wonder why I still stay with a man who does not love me. He often said that he will divorce me, perhaps after Little Prince and Little Princess turn 21 years old, perhaps earlier if he manages to find another woman.
While I suffer from insomnia at night, I feel lack of motivation to wake up in the mornings.
I miss the hardworking and the goal-driven me. I feel exhausted daily with no tangible results.
While I was working, I often slept 5 hours/24 hours and could only catch up on the lost sleep in the weekend (but only for few hours) as I need to bring Little Prince to play and to shop for groceries.
I long to move to a new place, to start fresh with Little Prince and Little Princess, in the absence of their father who often utters toxic words. I feel that he is toxic to me and us. When he is around, his cynical look and harsh words drive me to be defensive. I miss the gentle me.
Where can I go? Considering the education for both Little Prince and Little Princess as my top priority, with green eyes, I would like to learn more about these places:
I pray that I will attract only people who love and cherish me. I am learning to love myself more.
擔心只會浪費生命，吃飽睡好應戰比較實在.
In Spring 2019, the 2nd guest who visited our home for 4 nights made me very upset. It started with her obsession with branded stuff like Channel and trying to influence me to abandon my minimalist lifestyle. With my Mama, she gossiped a lot, while I dislike gossiping about others.
The worse, she was critical with her negative judgment on me based on her seemingly-perfect marriage. I feel very betrayed by her when she was supposed to be one of my supporters. We have know each other since more than 28 years ago. In the past, I have often given in to her. I learned the hard truth that she was, is, and will never be my supporter.
“When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.” Proverbs 31:26
I started this blog to write about my thoughts and feelings, as I felt that nobody understands me after a series of events that made me sad and angry. I realized that I myself must learn more about myself.
“There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” Benjamin Franklin
May I grow wiser as days, weeks, months, and years pass.
Tranquil determination 