On 20190414, I only managed to sleep at ~ 6 am! I could not sleep after we switched off light at 11 pm on 20190413.

Thankfully, it was a Sunday so Little Prince and Little Princess had  someone else to chat with.

我做 honey lemon 给 Little Prince and Little Princess。Their father 不要 我 煮午餐，他 去买 ,因为 他 想 吃 nasi lemak + 炒果条。他 也 把 锁头 忘了, 吊在门口。

吃午饭后，我收盘，洗衣服，收衣服，也要一段时间。

However, Little Prince and I had to give our weekly mother-son outing a miss, as he got a fever.

How could I stop my insomnia and fall asleep immediately?

Often, my body was tired but my mind was so active.

There are so many thoughts going around in my mind while I lay down on the pillow. Perhaps, I should be more persevered on my writing dream: to publish a book that is widely read and beneficial to others (see ref2019/ideas_pte*). People, from the ancient times, love stories.

That’s why perhaps I ended up sleeping so late as after I finished a part of my task at ~ 3 am, instead of sleeping, I read about the stories of others [1]. Perhaps, I have been dissatisfied with my mundane life since the beginning of 2019: quitting my career (and the highest salary that I had ever received), a marriage without love but a man who often gives me looks full of contempt [2], intellectually less challenging interactions [3] with a toddler – my Little Princess but perhaps a treasure of a lifetime, for I know once she grows up, things will be different.

As days pass, I hope that I will be more grateful for my Little Prince, Little Princess, simple life and every day. I could create my own wonderful stories.

***

[1] Since I have some attributes related to autism (socializing and small talks drain my energy, I love listening to few songs that I like again and again), I want to watch autism-related movies:

• Tomorrow Is Another Day 黃金花
• Ocean Heaven (2010)
• Destiny (about Xi He)

[2] While the father of Little Prince and Little Princess often gives me looks full of contempt, I will do my best to teach empathy to both Little Prince and Little Princess, because what parents do toward each other and toward their children teaches kids to do the same.

During a dinner in April 2019, Little Prince shared that he does not want to have any child as he does not want to wash the butt of the child, a message that is perhaps subconsciously internalized by the complaints of his father.

My marriage life is the opposite of my parents’ marriage, so it is a big hit for me. My father prioritized my mother over anyone, but he passed away at a young age of 66.

[3] At the library on 20190413, she surprised me when she pointed out a cover picture (among 6 pictures) of a book that I read for her: Peppa Pig My Mummy. Thus, I must put more efforts to share with Little Princess about the world: colors, shapes, alphabets, 2-3 languages that I speak, and how to read by herself.