Category: read

Why did I decide to minimize posting to Instagram in the beginning of Q2 of 2019?

I started my 3rd Instagram account with the single aim to document our project in 2019: it was my main joy after quitting my career and having to endure the verbally abusive man at home. For that account, I didn’t follow anyone so I won’t be distracted by the postings of others, after my previous accounts since 2013.

Instagram seemed to be the best avenue for a super busy mother who has no time to write blog posts.

However, Instagram forced me to provide my phone number thrice in the early July 2019. That’s enough! Worse, posts with my unique hashtags to document our project, are no longer searchable.

Yes, I have benefited in the past from beautiful travel Instagram pictures while I research for our trips. I like how Instagram put posts in 3/columns that allow easy viewing. I have also suffered from envy seeing others flaunt their rich/colorful lives.

But with my recent experience and disappointment, I asked what’s the point of sharing my creative contents with Instagram?

  • Instagram has become so controlling and getting annoying with more ads.
  • I set up an automatic posting for any of my Instagram posts to a wordpress account and a google drive, but it stopped doing so in early July.
  • I also wonder if the private accounts are really private, as Facebook data were stolen before.
  • There are other photo editing apps, for example Cymera that enables me to include Chinese Mandarin text.
  • There may be a time when Instagram will end up like Picasa who was discontinued or Facebook who was abandoned. I need to back-up my posts since 2013*!
  • Even  former Facebook executive, Chamath Palihapitiya,  will not let his own kids to use social media!

That’s why I decided to minimize posting to Instagram in the beginning of Q2 of 2019. I started by uninstalling the Instagram app from my phone. With the time freed from Instagram, I can read more books for myself and my children,  learn languages, exercising and playing with my children.

I just use my Instagram account on a laptop browser to appreciate photos taken and generously shared by others, and screenshot inspiring ones for future personal ref in case Instagram deletes them in the future!

Instead of posting to Instagram, I just include some searchable words in the file names of my photos, so I can revisit and review in the future. See ref2019/visual_diary_pte*

This disappointing Instagram experience also motivated me to reconsider my mode of storing data. I would prefer to primarily store offline (especially sensitive info e.g. bank details) and use the online storage as back-ups only. In the past, I used picasa a lot but later my albums were no longer visible.

*ref2019/backup_tasks*

 

Cogito, ergo sum

On 20190414, after the father of my Little Prince harshly told him that he would end up as a rubbish collector if he likes to draw but not to learn maths, Little Prince declared that he wants to be a pilot and an author, perhaps like the author of Le Petit Prince – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry . Thank you Miroslav Šašek for your positive influence on my Little Prince, even though you have passed away, your works have spoken to generations after you.

Then, while trimming the finger nails of Little Prince, I played a video of me reading I think I am by Louise Hay for him.

During dinner, I asked him if he likes the book. He replied, “Yes!”

What do you remember most from the book? He replied, “never give up!”

I can do it

On 20190412, Little Princess woke up me at 5.30 am with her request for milk. After my breakfast (I was  hungry late last night but told myself not to eat supper), I started working at 6 am plus. I guess washing my face helped to ease my sleepiness and reduce the temptation to return to sleep.

I learned that a co-worker didn’t receive my email with attachment. I cc-ed to myself (a work email address) but I forgot about it that I myself did not receive it. I will be more careful next time, especially I want to wrap this project asap.

Yesterday, I wasted time by reading about Amy Cuddy and Elizabeth Holmes [1], while Little Princess was playing a playground using an IKEA chair and a sofa for climbing and jumping, she said “I can do it” which surprised me, then we had to pick Little Prince.

Inspired by Little Princess, I thought to myself, I can do finishing my backlogs and be ready for our next move for Little Prince’s next chapter of education.

Last night (20190411) during the dinner, Little Prince shared that he didn’t like Chinese Mandarin and dance lessons. Thus, I asked him what he likes. He has been enjoying the LEGO robotics and English lessons.

Instead of blindly chasing academic results, I must observe what Little Prince and Little Princess love and like to do regardless of the challenges, and assist them (without them feeling that I am assisting them) [2]. Before Little Prince and Little Princess are being bogged down with a lot of homework and projects, I wish to expose them to diverse activities for them to discover themselves, their passions, and strengths. Once they reach puberty, it may be harder to guide them, though revolution in mind set happened to me in my teens as a result of living away from my parents.

Like my late Papa who had a vision for me to win scholarships, I envision for Little Prince and Little Princess to discover their passions and live their truest lives. If they passion requires them to obtain a tertiary qualification and we can accelerate it, why not?

I know that Little Prince has been fascinated by aviation since the age 4. He wants to be a pilot, so I did my best to bring him to a flight simulator, in spite of him being under height and could not see the runway. He loves drawing and building air crafts using LEGO. He has been excited reading about planes and places. Let’s see …

Later that night (20190411), I suggested him to teach Little Princess alphabets, while I showered. It was not a smooth running as Little Princess refused to obediently listen to his big brother 100% of the time, but not too bad.

I remember Little Prince told me not too long ago that if he could not be a pilot, he could teach people about aviation.

***

[1] At their rise, I honestly admired these ladies with brain and beauty. I was also interested in psychology to feel better and considered pursuing a study in psychology, but  seeing how brutal the field is, I am no longer interested.

Have you tried any power pose? These days, I find it hard to believe in many things that I used to believed in. I am envious to the innocence of little children. Nevertheless, power pose is a positive thing.

Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by advertisements and messages shared in social media. My solution so far has been to disconnect but it may not make me a better friend who stays in touch. An acquaintance whom I met in Switzerland in summer 2010 shared that we should keep in touch every 3 month, or else the friendship will start to fade away.

[2] How I wish my parents could assist me while I struggled in my education. They did within their capacity, e.g. Papa spoke to the vice headmaster to help us skip a grade, but not so much in the contents as they had to work to earn a living and they didn’t even have a chance to finish high school, so they didn’t understand what I went through in my undergraduate days.

 

 

An unexpected day trip

On 20190403, at 9 am plus, we were woken up by the loud drilling sound from an unknown neighbor.

I decided to change my plan to work on my pro bono projects as I won’t be able to focus.

The noise was even too loud to be bearable for me to cook at the kitchen.

Thus, I brought Little Princess out without the stroller as we would be riding a bus to eat laksa that Mama and late Papa enjoyed eating 5 years ago.  Little Princess accompanied me queuing for ~ half an hour! Luckily, I brought a cheese bread that she finished by the end of the queue.

I also packed 2 left-over boiled eggs from yesterday as we unexpectedly had a dinner outside last night. Why is the egg yolk of the boiled egg from the laksa store appear greyish? Perhaps, the laksa store used older eggs.

Then, Little Princess enjoyed some play by riding some rides that I didn’t put tokens in [1]. Just imagine it’s moving! After all, the enjoyed rotating the driving wheels. She has a free ride courtesy of a generous plump mother.

Since Little Princess was attracted by a bouncing castle set up by insurance agents hunting for clients, I just let her play while allowing me to learn more about retirement plans and other things (see agenda). A remark by the more talkative agent went “money makes the world go round.”

On the lift to MRT, 2 women of my Mama’s age argued if Little Princess (I carried her with a baby carrier) is a boy or a girl. They concluded she is a boy, until they say her dress. Mama loves you Little Princess, no matter what people think and say of you.

We had a dinner at Mos Burger but it was a disappointing one. Perhaps, I saw how my $3.5 matcha latte was prepared with microwave from a container in a fridge [2]. Perhaps, the rice of the burger rice was too hard. I prefer my home cooked healthy rice. I took away an ebi burger rice for Little Prince to have a dinner at a park.

On the MRT home, a kind unmarried lady in her 60s told me that her colleague informed her about a saving of 4% interest from CPF for Little Princess. I should check it.

At night, Little Prince re-told the story of Billy Goat that he learned from his English teacher today. This made my day!

***

[1] I am worried that she would ask me for putting tokens (e.g. $1) in the future.

[2] I gradually love my version of matcha latte: a bag of green tea poured with hot water to half of the mug + fresh milk. Well, it’s not entirely freshly milked from the cow, but this is fresh milk that we normally buy from the supermarket.

I wish I could wake up earlier …

The first quarter of 2019 has passed and I felt that I did not make any meaningful contribution. Yes, I am a result-oriented person. To soothe my worrying self, below are some good things that happened in the 2019 Q1:

  1. met Mama twice [1]
  2. spent days and nights with Little Princess
  3. slept more as I used to sleep very little (sometimes 5 hours in 24 hours) in the past 3 years (2016-2018), though I am worried that I overslept now and hence waste my life away.
  4. a ~2-week long Taiwan trip
  5. sold 2 items via Carousell to declutter

On 20190402, I woke up at 9 am plus because Little Princess requested for milk. However, I felt so sleepy and went back to sleep again. I told her to have a morning nap. I often could not sleep at night (perhaps, i should stop using my mobile phone to read about others after 11 pm); after managed to switch off the light at 1 am, I was woken up by her continuous cough at 3 am plus. She was better after I gave her water to drink. God, please help her to recover as soon as possible.

I know that I have many tasks to do [2], but I feel that I lack the motivations [3] to do them. I must be more disciplined and determined like British polar explorer Felicity Aston. I first learned about her through the book entitled Antarctica that Little Prince read for me on 20190331 at Pasir Ris Public Library.

As I typed this post, seeing the fallen yellow leaves as a result of the wind blowing was quite autumn-like and peaceful, in spite of the impending rain. I dislike rain, perhaps because I have to pick Little Prince walking through non-sheltered park. It’s actually a nice park. I’m just worried that 被雨水淋了will lead to a longer recover for Little Princess.

***

[1] The main reason I quit my job ending in 2018 was for spending more time with the women in my life: Mama, Little Princess and myself

[2] My tasks that I often postpone include planning for a Europe trip with Mama in 2019 Q3, decluttering items at home [4] and organizing photos taken since 2018. God, please give me the determination and decisiveness to do what I must do for the peace of my mind.

[3] As a quiet person, I prefer to live and work in solitude or through one-to-one interactions. I dreamed of writing a best-selling book that will be listed in the New York Times Bestselling list, but I don’t even have the time to read now. I also still have a pro-bono work that I wish to use to complete my 3 unfinished projects. God, please help me to complete them by the end of 2019.

[4] We may be moving home by the end of 2019 Q4 for Little Prince to attend a better primary school. It means that we will be downsizing and have less space, but perhaps less cleaning work for me. Today (20190402), I swept some thick dust that accummulated under some luggage and boxes. The cleaner hired on 20190331 didn’t bother to move and clean them, but at least she cleaned the toilet and he paid for the cleaning fee.

Doing house chores whole day …

On 20190401, I felt that I have been working non-stop but to little results.

We woke up at 9 am plus as I slept at 2 am. I wish I could sleep earlier. In the past few years, I slept late due to work requirement, but now in 2019, I often suffer from insomnia. Perhaps, I am worried about my future.

I cooked simple lunch for Little Princess and I: brown rice with silver anchovies, some pre-washed and pre-cut pumpkin, cauliflower and carrot, plus a steamed egg that she liked. While the lunch was ready at 12 noon, we started eating only at perhaps 12.40 noon as I was working with my laptop. Yes, I’m still doing a pro bono work, but I feel that he greatly diminishes my contributions.

After lunch, I managed to persuade her to nap at the room of Little Prince. I overestimated what I could do at 1.30pm. I thought that I could finish cleaning room 1 and took a shower at 2.30pm. However, by 3pm, I only finished vacuuming room 1 (after wiping away dusts and lifting the mattresses), so I decided to pump without showering. While it was a quick pump (I think < 10 mins), I am thankful that the antibodies-containing milk, albeit in a small amount, could contribute to healing Little Princess. She coughed badly the night before.

We reached Little Prince’s school by 3.35pm because I wanted to eat free (not really, we paid for the expensive school fee) and to allow her to see (and interact with) other children.

Before going home, I bought a part of fish and a cooked dish of vegetables as our additional dishes for dinner. It costed $5.8 but I don’t have to worry of being complained about oily kitchen. I cook our meals by only boiling and steaming.

At home, I made them milk as they were hungry before 6 pm but I knew if I gave them an early dinner, they would be hungry earlier at later hours of night.

Then, I went to shower. A warm shower relaxed my painful back muscles. In 2019, I am no longer working long hours with computers, but I still feel back pain. Perhaps, I carried the over 12kg Little Princess around when it’s rain or when we cross roads.

The dinner was not enjoyable, like many dinners before because Little Prince whined a lot, set bad examples (e.g. sleeping on the dining table) that Little Princess followed, Little Prince talked impolitely and Little Prince moved like a worm while dining. He could say, “Mama, can you please give me some vegetables?” instead of “I want! I want! I want!” in an impatient tone.

After dinner, I washed dishes, put new bed sheets, pillow cases. It took time too, while it’s not a heavy duty one like cleaning toilets. I didn’t allow the cleaner to do it yesterday with the rationale that the new bed sheets and pillow cases might get dirty as they came from outside, didn’t shower, and might work cleaning elsewhere.

After that, I read 2 story books for Little Prince and Little Princess. I guess it’s a happy moment today, apart from other mundane encounters. There are moments when I saw the running Little Princess or the creative Little Prince building an airport that made me happy, in spite of I gave up teaching him homework. He prefers playing to learning systematically, which may be different from the 6-years-old me.

Their father came back at 9pm plus and felt that his interactions with them promoted only division and jealousy. Sad! However, there is nothing that I can do.

Honestly, I sometimes feel overwhelmed when Little Prince and Little Princess are quarreling. I realize that I intrinsically value harmony greatly.

I wonder how super Moms can care for their little children. Little Prince told me yesterday (20190331) that he wanted only a child, perhaps he is wiser than me. I missed the day when Little Prince and I were living together in the desert, trying to survive and learn. I cherish the peaceful moment spent solely with Little Princess. Human dynamics are interesting and complex!

I prefer one-on-one interactions.