Why did I decide to minimize posting to Instagram in the beginning of Q2 of 2019?

I started my 3rd Instagram account with the single aim to document our project in 2019: it was my main joy after quitting my career and having to endure the verbally abusive man at home. For that account, I didn’t follow anyone so I won’t be distracted by the postings of others, after my previous accounts since 2013.

Instagram seemed to be the best avenue for a super busy mother who has no time to write blog posts.

However, Instagram forced me to provide my phone number thrice in the early July 2019. That’s enough! Worse, posts with my unique hashtags to document our project, are no longer searchable.

Yes, I have benefited in the past from beautiful travel Instagram pictures while I research for our trips. I like how Instagram put posts in 3/columns that allow easy viewing. I have also suffered from envy seeing others flaunt their rich/colorful lives.

But with my recent experience and disappointment, I asked what’s the point of sharing my creative contents with Instagram?

Instagram has become so controlling and getting annoying with more ads.
I set up an automatic posting for any of my Instagram posts to a wordpress account and a google drive, but it stopped doing so in early July.
I also wonder if the private accounts are really private, as Facebook data were stolen before.
There are other photo editing apps, for example Cymera that enables me to include Chinese Mandarin text.
There may be a time when Instagram will end up like Picasa who was discontinued or Facebook who was abandoned. I need to back-up my posts since 2013*!
Even former Facebook executive, Chamath Palihapitiya, will not let his own kids to use social media!

That’s why I decided to minimize posting to Instagram in the beginning of Q2 of 2019. I started by uninstalling the Instagram app from my phone. With the time freed from Instagram, I can read more books for myself and my children, learn languages, exercising and playing with my children.

I just use my Instagram account on a laptop browser to appreciate photos taken and generously shared by others, and screenshot inspiring ones for future personal ref in case Instagram deletes them in the future!

Instead of posting to Instagram, I just include some searchable words in the file names of my photos, so I can revisit and review in the future. See ref2019/visual_diary_pte*

This disappointing Instagram experience also motivated me to reconsider my mode of storing data. I would prefer to primarily store offline (especially sensitive info e.g. bank details) and use the online storage as back-ups only. In the past, I used picasa a lot but later my albums were no longer visible.

*ref2019/backup_tasks*

Please stay safe in the swimming pools!

Few days before our trip to visit the Godmother of Little Prince on 20190419 (Good Friday), I often used “no swimming” when I could not use rewards to motivate them to do things. Then, on 20190418 I was presented with a news about a girl of the same age as Little Prince who drowned in a hotel in Sentosa and died days later 😦

I miss the swimming pools with lifeguards in the desert.

On 20190417, I also told mama not to swim at deep area even though she knows how to sleep, as I remember my 14-year-old senior who passed away from drowning due to leg cramps years ago.

Some gentle reminders for us:

“drowning is known to occur quickly and quietly between 20 and 60 seconds”
Do not swim in crowded pools
Do not use mobile phones when supervising children swimming
private swimming lessons are safer than group swimming lessons
floating devices e.g. swimming board and float could not 100% guarantee safety.

***

Live slowly

On 20190410, I had to wake Little Princess up at 11 am plus and she still refused to wake up. She asked for milk at 8.30 am but went back to sleep.

I was actually planning to bring her to a new playground that we saw from a bus (about 2 bus stops away) since 20190408. Since the sky seemed to be cloudy, I walked and pushed her in the stroller. However, when we reached there, the hot sun is showing up and I could smell the rubbery smell of the playground flooring!

We will return there when we manage to reach there by 8 am and we have to leave by 9 am to prevent hot UV. How could I fall asleep quickly at night? There are often many thoughts that came to my mind before I managed to fall asleep since March 2019!

Then, we went to buy groceries. I initially wanted to bring her to a library but the 1-way journey there was about 1 hour plus according to the Google Map, but I was worried that I would be late to pick Little Prince. Thus, we went home to enjoy my free Nine Fresh dessert (it’s actually a reward after we bought 6 bowls from them), I like it a lot!

After finishing my dessert [1], I washed the salad leaves. I bought kale from Australia, which is rarely sold, and started washing from 3.15 pm to almost 5 pm! How slow I worked! I am thankful that I was still able to earn a living and a saving given how slow I work, or have I became slower than ever? I am thankful to efficient people who have worked together with me, including an Indian lady who is still working with me. Thank you, God!

While I started to prepare Little Prince and Little Princess to sleep at 9 pm plus (making their milk, feeding medicine, brushing teeth, etc) and they managed to sleep, I was still awake at 10.30 pm so I decided to work using my laptop.

However, I ended up reading news, an activity that did not help me to make contributions and feel better. From traffic accidents that claimed the life of young beautiful women, I learned not to sit at the other side of the driver at the back, not to travel at night and some drivers are careless. Even though we are careful, our lives can be affected by the careless.

Pondering of my life for the past quarter of 2019, I feel that I need more faith, hope and love. On faith, I am envious of Christians who have eternal faith on God in spite of what happened to them, I wish I could have such an unswayed faith on God [2]. While trying to sleep, my mind thought of my colleague’s wife. She used to go to the weekly service, until her second daughter was born with Down syndrome and had to undergo heart surgeries. I felt guilty as I unknowingly hugged her second daughter when I brought Little Prince to visit her home in Spring 2017.

To help me to sleep, I tried reading some Chicken Soup for the Soul, which I first learned about while I was a teen. I wish to have energetic mornings, instead of feeling tired every morning like what happened for the past few weeks. Perhaps, I should start drinking soothing chammomile tea, like what I used to do when I pursued a PhD.

Yes, I realize that I have more negative inner self-talk recently. Am I experiencing a mid-life crisis? Many things that I believe in seem to be shattered.

I feel unloved. My spouse told me that he would divorce me when our children grow up. Papa has left; Mama has many responsibilities. When she is visiting my maternal grandmother, I feel that she forgets about me. On the other hand, when she is alone in the city where I spent my childhood, she would often video chat with me via Whats App. After all, for her goodness, it is better for her to stay with the big family of my maternal grandmother. A friend of Mama’s sister suffered from low blood pressure, fell unconscious and broke her arm. It’s not safe to be living alone.

I want to try positive inner-self talk to help me sleeping well. “I feel relaxed. I’m going right to sleep.”

I can put all my worries aside when I have to sleep. After years of being sleep-deprived, I really need to heal my body. Don’t worry about the uncompleted projects and rejections [3].

***

[1] Little Princess liked Nine Fresh dessert last time but she seemed avoiding the bean curd at all this afternoon.

[2] I knew a couple from my undergraduate almamater who are both good-looking, talented and had a fairytale-like relationship. Later, her handsome’s son suffers from autism and her daughter endured epileptic fit. She gave up on her career (after pursuing a PhD) and passion (writing about weddings) to care for her children and still has an immense faith on God.

For me right now, I feel that reading Bible does not help me. Perhaps, I had the impression that Bible is full of scary stories. For the 2nd primary school that I attended, we were given a choice to study Christianity or Buddhism. Since the Buddhism teacher was absent in the first week, the Christianity teacher taught all students and shared about scary stories. However, at home while asking for $ to pay for the Bible, Papa was unhappy and asked me to return to the Christianity teacher. Thankfully, I had not written any name or word on it.

[3] Author Lisa Genova set out to send 100 query letters to literary agents and received so many rejection letters for Still Alice. Never give up!

Playgrounds are not always safe

On 20190408, I woke up earlier than usual at ~ 7.30 am. I was thinking of bringing Little Princess to a playground that we saw from a double decker bus in a Friday evening (201890405). The playground seemed to have smaller stuff that suits Little Princess. I wish she would be more courageous to try slides, but I’ll let her to take her time.

While waiting for Little Princess to wake up, I prepared our 1-pot rice in a rice cooker. We finished the last remains of Egyptian rice (of Nefertiti brand) that I flew from the Middle East. I put carrot, pumpkin, sweet potato and lady fingers. I felt that the lady fingers were pricking my finger skin while I washed them, so I might not buy them often.

However, she woke up late and we went to the playground next door at 11 am for a short while, after I waited for her to finish her fluimucil.

After our lunch and reading stories to Little Princess, I felt so sleepy that I napped with her. Perhaps, I was not meant to enjoy naps, because most time I feel uncomfortable after waking up from my nap, with beating heart beats.

After I picked Little Prince, I let them to play at the park. The experience allowed me to conclude that playgrounds are not always safe, and I prefer empty or less crowded playground.

First, at the tail of a fake dinosaur bone, a boy of similar age (thankfully of smaller size) to Little Princess came to hold her lower body. She was not happy. She tried to remove the boy’s hands, but he tried again.

It’s good that Little Princess has a big brother, Little Prince who taught her to run away. The boy chased them up until they climbed the stairs.

However, we cannot be depended on others for many things in life.

After I agreed that Little Prince could play swings provided that he held the hands of Little Princess, he ran there followed by his sister. When I managed to catch up, I saw that Little Princess was behind a moving swing. Thankfully, the mother who was pushing the swing tried to avoid hitting Little Princess.

Honestly, I was very upset with Little Prince who had sit in a bigger swing and did not pay attention to his sister. I told him Little Prince that he could not play any longer as a punishment of not taking a good care of his sister. I told him if anything happens (e.g. a girl who fell down from a swing being pushed by her brother and ended up being blind), Little Prince would be responsible for Little Princess for the rest of her life!

I would not let them to go to the swing area ahead of me anymore!

From this experience, I also learn not to let my children to play with these toys as they pose a high risk for eye injuries: guns that shoot any type of projectile, water guns, fishing poles, toy wands, swords, sabers or guns with bayonets, aerosol string, laser pointers and bright flashlights [1].

[1] Some playgrounds have the installations of LED light stuff, but Little Princess likes it a lot. I myself prefer them to play with more traditional kinds of equipment.